These Advice from A Father Which Helped Us when I became a New Dad

"I think I was just in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

However the truth rapidly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her main carer as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good spot. You must get some help. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to talking about the strain on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a wider reluctance to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days away, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the language of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without reliable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible actions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, speak to a family member, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."